Protecting Her Heart Read online

  They talked a little about Emma but she reserved some of the more intimate details of her life, especially of her own failed marriage, not wanting to burden their date with too much gloom and doom. They did, however, talk about his more ‘adventurous’ interests which she had been quite curious about. He admitted he was a pretty kinky guy, enjoying a variety of sexual flavors. He was looking for a woman with a voracious sexual appetite and an open-mind. A playful partner who also liked to shake things up, sexually speaking. What he really wanted was a ‘good girl with a naughty pussy’, he said. Emma appreciated that there was no pretense with Arran, he was direct with his wants and needs, completely honest about who he was.

  He wanted to know where she stood with all of it, what brought her out to the clubs he’d met her at. She didn’t really have a good answer for him, other than the fact that she was looking for adventure and trying to find herself. It sounded so damn cliché, and the second the words fell from her mouth she wished she could have taken them back. Arran didn’t seem to mind though. He just offered her a supportive smile, his eyes swimming with curious desire. She wasn’t sure she was on the same level as he was, or if she ever would be, but Emma always believed that everyone she’d met had been placed in her path for a reason and she was intrigued to know what lessons he had to teach her.

  Chapter 25

  “I know it seems rather late, but I promise you this food will be worth the effort it took to get here. I have known Chef Laurent for many years, been to several of his restaurants both here and back home in London, and I promise you’re in for a treat,” Arran boasted, pulling her chair out, like a true English gentleman.

  She sat down, adjusting her dress beneath her, offering him an agreeable smile. She was running on adrenalin, truth be told, caught up in the whirlwind of the craziest date she had ever been on. She hoped that her exhaustion wouldn’t catch up to her over dinner. She was operating on 5 hours of sleep, most of which was fitful. She was ravenous too, and hoped filling her belly would offer her a much needed second wind.

  “It’s a beautiful restaurant Arran, and it smells delicious in here,” she approved, enjoying the ambiance. After only a few minutes of being seated, the sommelier came over and introduced herself, offering appropriate wine pairing suggestions, followed shortly after by their waiter.

  “Trust me to order for you, Emma,” Arran proposed boldly, reaching out for her hand. She found the offer, and his confidence, quite sexy and responded with an agreeable smile.

  “Very good,” he chirped, patting the top of her hand like one might praise an obedient child, a gesture that quickly shifted her impression. She chose to overlook it, chalking it up to being overly tired and sensitive.

  He did choose well though. After a tasting of Golden Ossetra Caviar, the waiter brought a starter of seared foie gras with caramelized onions and cherries, a dish that she shared with Arran. It had a rich texture, delicate and buttery, that melted in her mouth. She’d eaten foie gras in the past, but never a dish prepared with so much finesse. She was certain she was moaning after every bite but she couldn’t help herself. It made Arran chuckle, and she blushed like a schoolgirl when he admitted he wished it was him on the end of her fork.

  As they were waiting for their main courses to arrive, Arran looked at her inquisitively, tipping his wine glass in her direction. “Tell me, how long have you and Luke known one another?” he asked nonchalantly, the way people do when they want to appear indifferent. Emma wondered if it was a loaded question, triggered by the tone in his voice. She had trained herself very well over the years to pick up on subtle shifts in body language and inflection. She was also fiercely protective of her friendship with Luke, and didn’t like having to justify it, not to anyone.

  Her pause made him smile, a gesture to set her at ease, she assumed. She shook her head softly, embarrassed by her insecurity.

  “We’ve been friends since high school,” she explained, unapologetically. He nodded, waiting for her to share more. She didn’t.

  They sat in a moment of silence, quietly regarding one another.

  “That’s a long time. Were you guys ever an item?” he finally pressed, trying not to spook her. She knew he was looking for reassurance but for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why, and found his question a little inappropriate. He didn’t come across as an insecure man.

  “No. Never. We’re just very close. He’s my best friend,” she answered, nevertheless.

  “Really? Never?” Arran grinned, looking at her as though he found it hard to believe.

  “No, why?” she asked, an amused smile hiding her indignation.

  “I mean no offense, truly. He just seems rather protective of you. Proprietary. What do you suppose that’s about?” he asked lightly, swirling the wine in his glass. Emma shrugged her shoulders indifferently, not sure how to answer him. Luke had always watched out for her, in the same way a brother might, but she never considered him proprietary.

  “He’s harmless,” she smirked, remembering Luke’s advice earlier that morning. He wanted this for her, to go out and have a good time, to be well seduced by an attentive man. He’d been nothing but supportive.

  “Darling, I wouldn’t be so sure,” he mused, refilling her wine glass. She brought it to her lips but didn’t drink. “I have a little understanding of the male species and I know how a man looks at the woman he loves.”

  Emma raised her eyes to meet his, perplexed by his observation. It was either coming from a place of insecurity or ignorance, but either way, he couldn’t be more wrong. Luke didn’t love her, not in the way Arran was implying. She found it rather humorous and chuckled softly into her wine glass. He laughed along with her, sitting back in his chair, and regarded her curiously, as though he considered her naive.

  “But I’m here, with you,” she cooed, hoping to change the subject, “why don’t we focus on that?”

  He clinked his wine glass with hers, wordlessly toasting her suggestion. She took a long swallow of her wine, and although grateful to move on, Arran’s pronouncement stayed with her.

  Chapter 26

  Emma shied past the night security guard, keeping her head down as she made her way towards the elevator. Arran had just dropped her off, opting to drive home with her in the same car, going completely out of his way. She insisted that she would be fine, but he wouldn’t hear of it.

  She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t ask her if he could come up, but she had a gentle excuse ready just in case he did. It wasn’t that she didn’t have a good time with him, just the opposite. Their flight home had been quite steamy, but Arran had a big personality that filled a whole lot of space. Along with being quick-witted, intelligent and intuitive, he also seemed to have endless stamina, and while she had no issues keeping pace with him, she found it draining, especially given her lack of sleep. Instead, he gave her the sweetest kiss goodnight and told her he would call her soon. Then, just as she was getting out of the car, he said he had never met a woman so captivating, and he was certain he was hopelessly smitten with her. (Could he be more British?)

  Two late nights in a row took its toll on Emma. She didn’t have much energy left, but she couldn’t get into her bed without a shower, especially after being on an airplane. Stripped down, she slipped under the hot stream, allowing the water to freshen her up. She looked down and ran her hands over her breasts, hesitating over the two little welt marks offered up by Arran’s teeth. Without enthusiasm or regret, she allowed her mind to drift back over their date.

  After their meal, they’d spent a few minutes chatting with the chef, complimenting him on the fabulous meal. It truly had been one of the best culinary experiences she’d ever had, and in spite of the indulgence, she felt completely pampered. As promised, they took a car directly back to the airport and only had to wait thirty or forty minutes for take-off. Once they were in the air, Arran had the cabin lights turned down low. The flight attendant brought them some delicious Irish Coffees, heavily spiked, and they cu
rled up together on a sofa to enjoy them. Emma was convinced that she would never be able to fly coach again, especially after kicking it in first-class style.

  It didn’t take long for Arran to commence his seduction. Emma was nervous, partly because she knew where things were heading, but also because she wasn’t exactly sure they were on the same page. Actually, she really didn’t know where Arran stood. She was very attracted to him and was definitely turned on, especially since it had been over a year since she had been intimate with a man, but beyond that, she wasn’t certain that she was capable of anything more. She wanted to bring it up, to put all her cards on the table, but each time she tried to share her thoughts with him, he would interrupt her or distract her with kisses.

  They were in the sky for about an hour when Arran insisted on some privacy, tipping the flight attendant generously to make herself scarce. He assured her they wouldn’t be disturbed and proceeded to clumsily undress her, unfastening the zipper on her dress and baring her shoulders before she even recognized what was happening. When she realized he was having trouble removing her sleeves, she smiled tentatively at him and offered some assistance. It had been an awkward moment but they figured it out, and before long she was lying back on the sofa in nothing but her lacy black bra and panties.

  He eyed her approvingly, then started kissing her again, only this time his mouth came down hard, parting her mouth assertively so he could taste her with his tongue. His eagerness was not unpleasant, quite the contrary. She liked being wanted, having such a desired effect on a man, but his kisses were hasty, even a little sloppy. She had tried to slow him down a little, gently holding his face in her hands so she could guide his passion, but he didn’t seem to understand her unspoken signals. He kissed down her neck, gently nibbling at the sensitive flesh of her throat, pulling at her bra. She assumed he was trying to unfasten it, unaware perhaps that it opened at the back. She eased herself up on her elbows and whispered to him that the clasps were behind her. He looked a little confused, but quickly caught on to the problem and reached underneath her to unhook it. After several seconds, it was clear that he would need some help. She giggled softly, trying to ease both of their embarrassment, and sat forward, easily releasing the hooks herself. If he had been flustered, he hid it well, burying his face into her neck again. This time his nibbles were much more determined, even a little painful, as though he was replacing his embarrassment with aggression. She remembered giggling uncomfortably, not sure whether she enjoyed it or not. While part of her liked the wicked sensation of teeth on flesh, it all seemed so frenzied, manic even.

  Emma turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a nearby towel to dry off. The entire night with Arran left her confused. She was attracted to him for so many reasons, and yet part of her just didn’t jive with him. She just felt so detached from herself when she was with him. He was romantic, charming, and adventurous, so what the hell was her problem? She needed to talk to Luke about it. He would help her sort it all out. As usual, she was probably overthinking everything, she considered miserably.

  She found her way into the bedroom and without an ounce of energy left, she dropped her towel and slipped under her covers, falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

  Chapter 27

  Luke took a long pull from his beer then tipped the bottle toward Emma, “Ok, so you started making out, then what?”

  They were out for dinner, her treat. Mimi had insisted on it and he couldn’t say no to her, so he cancelled his plans and met her at the restaurant. She sounded “off” when she called him that afternoon, completely out of sorts. He hoped that nothing awful happened with Arran, not after he suggested that she fuck him. The man had flown her to San Francisco for dinner on a private jet, a five-star restaurant, no less. It sounded like the stuff in fairy tales and he wondered what happened to shake her up.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. Everything was going well. I was really into it...well I mean I really wanted to be into it but then I just felt myself disconnect, like a switch just flipped in me. It felt like I was on autopilot, just going through the motions. Jesus, Luke, I have been wanting this for a long time and on paper everything seemed so right, but for some reason, I just couldn’t engage. He’s such an interesting man too. How the fuck do you do it? You’re so adventurous and bold and can just jump in with both feet,” she sputtered quickly, as though she had been rehearsing her concerns over and over in her mind.

  Luke smiled casually at her, hoping to reassure her. “I don’t know, Mimi. Sometimes I am on auto-pilot. I guess it just doesn’t affect me the way it affects you. You have higher expectations, understandably, but maybe you’re putting too much pressure on yourself,” he soothed, refilling her wine glass. “Cut yourself some slack, maybe you just weren’t that into him.”

  She looked up at him thoughtfully, as though processing his observation, then slowly shook her head. “You think I have higher expectations?”

  “Yeah, maybe. I think you were deprived of sex for a long time, maybe you thought it would be different, maybe you’re over-analyzing, maybe you got cold feet,” he offered cautiously, “or like I said, maybe you just weren’t into him. It is possible that you just didn’t have chemistry with Arran. It happens.”

  “Hmm...” she frowned doubtfully, her eyes reading his, allowing his words to land on her. “I guess. We were having a good time, for the most part...”

  “For the most part?” Luke shifted back into his seat, curious by the admission.

  “Well, no, it was a good date. He’s a formidable man, confident, sexual, even a little tenacious, but not in a bad way. I get the sense that he’s used to getting what he wants, particularly in business. The thing is, I just couldn’t help but feel that while he has the romance all figured out, he might be unclear what intimacy is,” she explained quietly. “I don’t know, it just felt like something was missing.”

  “Fair enough,” Luke agreed. He understood that well, having been in Arran’s shoes all too often.

  “I know I said that I wanted adventure, Luke. Sex? Yes, please...but I guess there’s more to it for me. I’m complicated,” she pouted, taking a gulp of her wine.

  “What more? Be specific?”

  She sighed thoughtfully, hesitating before answering him, “I don’t know, I guess I just want to feel like I’m being included in the process, you know?”

  Luke shook his head, unclear what she was getting at. “Explain what you mean. What happened?”

  “Well, like I said, the mood was set, it couldn’t have been more romantic. I was undressed down to my underwear...”

  Luke did his best to focus on her words while imagining her half naked. He hoped his face wouldn’t reveal his lewd thoughts. He smiled at her encouragingly as she shared her story, trying to understand her dilemma.

  “Things were getting hot and heavy and he wanted to go down on me and honestly, part of me wanted to let him, in spite of my trepidation, but then we hit turbulence and the captain announced over the speaker that we needed to fasten our seat belts. We had a little chuckle over that and then I got re-dressed.”

  “Fasten your seat belt, it’s going to be a bumpy ride?” he teased, drawing out her smile.

  “Something like that,” she quipped back, pausing to let the waiter place their meals in front of them. She thanked him, continuing her story after he walked away.

  “The thing is, he spent a lot of time telling me what was important to him. What he wanted, needed, but he didn’t really ask me. It seemed like he kind of had a routine, and not just while we were being physical. The whole date seemed that way...you know? ‘Insert woman here’,” she surmised, her problem suddenly making sense to him.

  “Ah, I see now,” Luke took a bite of his burger and nodded, giving him a moment to ‘chew’ on his response. She smiled weakly and shrugged, popping a french fry into her mouth. “So you’re saying it all felt a little contrived?” he concluded.

  “Yes! Contrived! Good wor
d,” she agreed, grateful he understood. “I guess I’m just wondering if I’m being too sensitive. Maybe I just need to learn to relax.”

  “Possibly, hard to say. I’ve always known you to ignore your intuition in the past though, Mimi, giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and then blaming yourself when things go south. Maybe you need to stop doing that,” he scolded, gently.

  “I see your point. The thing is, we also shared some laughs and had a pretty good time. It wasn’t all bad. I don’t want to give you a totally negative impression. That’s why I feel so conflicted.”

  “No, I hear you,” he encouraged, looking at her thoughtfully. He wished he felt as supportive as he sounded, but the truth was, there was also a small part of him that was happy that ‘Mr. Perfect’ had left her wanting more. He did his best to swallow down his smugness with a mouthful of beer.

  “It was a combination of so many things that women love, but for some reason, the pieces didn’t come together for me,” she admitted, her eyes on her plate, “That’s why I felt like maybe it was me?”

  “So what is it you’re looking for here, Mimi? What do you want me to say?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Luke inhaled slowly, frustrated that he didn’t have answers for her. His instincts the day before had been bang on, she needed more time to figure out what she really wanted. It was a simple as that.

  “Well, it was just a date, a fun night out, no harm done, right? Stop beating yourself up. It didn’t end in fireworks but that doesn’t mean shit, Mimi. I’ve been out with plenty of women where the night ended with a whimper instead of a bang. Just keep moving forward, there’s lots of fun to be had,” he assured, taking her hand in his. She looked down at their entwined fingers and smiled, exhaling her breath slowly.